when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
