I think I am morally bankrupt
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
