hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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