You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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