my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
