I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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