i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
