Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
