At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
