How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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