You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want a musical about memes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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