the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The air taste purple.
Randomize
