I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
