That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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