Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
