I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
