Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize