I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
