I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
