You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
