Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
