ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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