Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
