She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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