I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
