see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someone shattered a urinal.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
