So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
