you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
