The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
