dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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