This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
