Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
