He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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