This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
