You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
