Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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