i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bring me that man meat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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