why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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