She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.