The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
