Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
