So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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