Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
