Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She bit a glass in half.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
