he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my moral compass just broke
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