if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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