I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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