If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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