Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
