Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its not stalking. its research.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
