I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
