I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize