Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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