Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
