margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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