i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
