i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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