you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
