you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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