I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
