im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
