remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
