You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so much tequila, so little girl.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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