hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize