.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
